Making time for me...

Oh boy, one day into my fall semester "crazy" schedule (who in their right minds would do a Culinary Lab simultaneous with a Baking Lab?)... and surprizingly things are going well.  Yesterday I had a small anxiety attack prior to going to my Culinary Lab in the afternoon.  Which is pretty much typical of each and every student in the class.  I don't know if I told you this (like whoever is actually reading this), but I had one week of this class last year when I started and knew after the first week that it just wasn't going to work having two labs..... the challenge is ON!  My heart was racing and I was short of breath and was sure I would not remember my own name while all along my first professor from the original class was in my head.  But, after three hours in a room that I temp'd at 93 degrees (not kidding here) I actually felt like I was doing ok.  

Forgetta 'bout the SB diet, I'm bound to loose at least 15 lbs just from sweating my ass off for four hours a day four days a week!  That said, here are the Good Eats I had today....

Breakfast:
The "usual" but I really backed off on the cheese today.  Lots and lots of veggies (broccoli, zucchini and peppers)

Snack:
wasn't able to fit this in

Lunch:
Nice Salad with mixed greens, shrimp (last nights left overs) some avocado and broccoli.

Snack:
Sorry the only choice I had was oranges or carrots (we were in class and had only a couple of 5 min. breaks) so I snacked on a few carrott slices (honestly forgetting that they weren't allowed this week) while I was in class.

*I've packed some almonds in my bag for future "oh shits"

Dinner:
Really proud of myself.  I was soaked to the bone (unfortunatly it was not because I was rained on YUK) came home, stipped to bare butt and got my red-faced face into the shower to cool off and clean up!  Then, I promptly turned on the grill, grilled a nice lean boneless pork chop and sauteed some swiss chard with garlic. 

Dessert/Snack:
I didn't eat until after 9pm, so I thought I'd better forgo the snack tonight.

And the struggle begins...

Hmm, three days with no post... does it mean I'm off the wagon?  Nope, I've actually done very well for the last two days and now today with perhaps a slip up here or there, but the best part is as of Sunday (one week in) I've lost 4 lbs.  After looking back on the week, I think it could have been better and I base that on the fact that although you can have cheese, perhaps I should not have it every day :o) !

The weekend is a blur, so I may miss some of the things that I ate,  as I'm writing from short term memory...

Saturday:
Breakfast:
Let's just call it my Jill's special Frittata from now on, I think by now, we all know what it means

Snack:
Cucumber slices

Lunch:
Mixed green salad with cannelloni and black beans

Snack:
Small handful of raw almonds (on the go since we moved Jazen into her apartment)

Dinner: (At out)
Chicken Fajitas.... I did eat two small tortilla rounds with them,  (and yes, they were small -but unfortunately flour and not corn ones) For the rest of the dish, I just ate the chicken, onions and peppers - and honestly, I enjoyed that so much, I could have skipped the tortillas with them.

Dessert:
Here was the screw up - so at this restaurant they bring out sopapillas after dinner with some honey... yes, I ate one, don't feel guilty about it and it's done and over with.

Sunday: ~ Now Sunday we always eat out at a diner after church with some friends... so far, I've been good about making choices there.  Right after breakfast we were invited to spend the day on a friends boat so I had to figure out what I could do about lunch as they were all having sub sandwiches from Subway (Mark got Jreks ~ why I add that is beyond me)
Breakfast:
Two scrambled eggs with peppers, onions and a bit of shaved steak inside.

Snack:
forgot to eat the snack

Lunch:
Made a really nice green salad from the almost last of greens from the garden, with a 1/2 of tomato, baby zucchini, and some beans - did not miss having a sandwich at all.

Snack:
Not sure if this was a cheat or not since you can have sugar free jello .... for this snack I had a 1/2 cup of sugar free butterscotch pudding made with skim milk.

Dinner:
Left over top round, grilled zucchini (we finally found a full sized zucchini in our garden!) and a cucumber/tomato/mozz (less than 1 ounce) salad with pesto (God do I love Pesto now!)

Snack:
Too tired, went to bed early to make my 6am first day of classes back at school!

(updated on Tuesday)  Oh boy ~ what the heck did I eat on Monday? (first day of classes)

Breakfast:
The "usual"

Snack:
can't remember

Lunch:
Nice green salad with some beans and a little avocado

Snack:
Cant remember

Dinner:
Chili Lime Shrimp with grilled zucchini and roasted baby red/orange/yellow peppers.

Choices....

For me, today was all about choices.  I'm the typical over-achiever trying to do everything, be everything for everyone....except me.  This is something I'm honestly trying to work on this year (which sometimes drives my family crazy).  There were several choices for me to make today.  I woke up wanting to do something for my husband because, well just because... I woke up fairly early, started right in with my "daily routine" and stopped before making my breakfast because I thought why not make some cookies for Mark right now.  The dogs were fed and watered (I know it sounds funny - they're not plants), the laundry was done, there wasn't much to do today for cleaning (i.e. it could wait), the house was quiet and cool so I started in... once I got going, I was honestly having a good time baking.  It's been a week-ish since I've baked something just for 'fun' so I was really enjoying this... so much so I decided to continue on to bake some biscotti for one of my daughters moving into her college apartment tomorrow (hmmm, am I loosing myself in these choices?)...  The phone rings and it's a friend asking if I'd like to meet for breakfast at a local diner.  Now, as anyone knows, breakfast is my favorite meal, so having to turn them down was a little upsetting, but at the same time I made a good choice because I knew I'd eat a much healthier breakfast if I cooked for myself at home.  Next thing I see, it's almost 11:30 and I've yet to eat said breakfast -ARGH!  So I whipped up a quick breakfast (but of course within the plan) and took a break to eat.  Before I knew it, the phone rang and this time it was another friend asking for a lunch date (what is up with everyone always wanting to eat out anyway?)... again I turn them down so I can stay on track.... another good choice for me, except I realize that it's now lunch time... what to do, what to do....   The thing I really want to do is go kayaking again because it's such a beautiful day.  So off to clean my house I go, do a few loads of laundry and try to make it out the door by 1.  One o'clock has now come and gone (big surprise there right?) but I manage to sit down for a quick lunch, pack a healthy snack of just raw almonds and get out of the door by 1:30.... because today for me, it was all about choices... I think I made some good ones.

Breakfast:
Basically same as yesterday - 2 egg frittata with broccoli, feta and a little bit of mozz. 

Snack:
... there just wasn't time today.

Lunch:
Mexican Salad (I finally had it!) with Canaloni and Black beans, yellow, red, and orange peppers, a third of the avocado and a dressing of simple salsa.

Snack:
Small portion of raw almonds

Dinner:
2 slices of top round roast, grilled baby zucchini and a salad of a garden tomato, cucumber, tiny bit of mozz. and some fresh pesto (made when I got back from kayaking).

Tomorrow I'm spending the day moving above mentioned daughter into her apartment for college, so hopefully I'll make good choices again tomorrow... oh Jreks Subs that I know Mark is going to want to go to, what do you have healthy that I can have (maybe packing a lunch is in order)

Reflections with reflections...

Today I enjoyed an opportunity to spend an afternoon kayaking with some good friends on  beautiful Upper Saranac Lake; (this is a beautiful lake with views of the lifestyles of the rich and famous) and while staring at the reflections in the water, of course I had some reflections of my own.  Now if any of you out there supporting me kayak, you know that although you're with a group of people, it's still a great opportunity to spend some time with yourself.  Gliding on the water when it's smooth and glass-like always gives me a feeling of peace and inner calm.  Today this was not the case.  The sky was dreary, the wind constantly created a choppy mix of waves against the current and then of course, there were the constant waves from motor boats pulling screaming teens on floats and tubes.... so much for reflections.... or so I thought.  There was a lot of work to be done on the return trip today, and it allowed me to focus on the work I'll have during this journey I'm on.  Although there was little time to think because I was concentrating on not flipping my kayak (yes the waves were that big and I was soaked to the bone when I was done), once we were in the cove at my friends camp, the sun came out, the water grew calm and it made me realize that I wasn't nearly as tired as I'd normally be after a paddle like that.  Although I'm on the first few official days of this life long journey of mine, my energy and stamina is increasing every  (I'm sure it's thanks to the no sugar and carbs).  I feel positive and focused about the food choices I'm making and with every good food choice, I feel good about having the discipline to stay on track.  This time also allowed me to reflect on my past poor choices and why I made them.  I pray every day that I will continue on this path because frankly it just feels good to feel good again.  And.... if I feel good now, imagine how I'll feel this time next year!   Who'da thought I'd get all that from a day out on the lake (plus I still came home and cooked myself a dinner)

Breakfast:
2 egg frittata of sorts with broccoli and mushroom, roasted garlic (the last of it), feta of course and a tiny bit of mozz.

Snack:
Small handful of mixed nuts

Lunch:
Healthy Choice Chicken and Rice soup (hey I was out and didn't have a choice it was that or a tuna sandwich) -but I did try to skim past the rice (so basically it was chicken with chicken broth)

Snack:
Came home and promptly ate a handful of broccoli

Dinner:
BBQ'd a boneless pork chop topped with some rosemary/garlic/pepper blend, steamed broccoli (what no swiss chard?) and a sliced cucumber from the garden

Snack
Orange sugar-free jello

Clearing the clutter and making room...

All right, all right... I'm going to "fess up" and admit my screw-up from last night.  I noticed on the SB Food List that I was able to have a sugar-free fudgecicle.... but I don't eat chocolate.... so there I was at the local grocery store getting some black beans so I could actually make a mexican salad tomorrow and for an unknown reason I gravitated towards the frozen food section... there standing opposite me with nothing but an icy cold see through door was some Weight Watchers Toffee Ice Cream Bars (2 points on WW if you're counting).  In a moment of weakness, I bought them (justifying all the time that if you can have a fudgecicile, you should be able to have this... and after all, the chocolate on it probably isn't even real, and if it is,,, there is only this tiny little bit).  Unfortunately, in another moment of weakness between 10pm-11pm (I really have to get to bed earlier - which wont be a problem come next week and my 6am Baking Lab) I ate one.  I've felt guilty about it all day.  Ok ok I ate two, but honestly that's the whole truth;  and I did say from the start that no matter what this was a "no holds bars" documentation of my journey, so that includes honesty at all times.  Does this mean I should go to confession on Sunday?

But I digress.  The point of my blog today is clearing clutter and making room... and although this may be somewhat metaphorical, it's literal too.  I spent the day yesterday going through all of my clothes and set aside anything I haven't worn in the past year.  I decided that if I'm going to be successful, I have to really let go, and that includes clothes I never wear.  I laundered them, packed them all up and brought them to our local rescue mission type place here in our town.  After all, they're good clothes and someone out there can put them to good use.  I left the place feeling so good that not even the pending rain that would delay my kayak outing with friends got me down.  Since then, I've tried very hard to really take note on how I'm feeling and relate it to eating healthier.  The inner pessimist in me didn't even try to sneak out and make me feel guilty for last nights moment of weakness (which is odd...) so I guess I really am letting go and making room both on the inside and out....

Breakfast:
2 egg omelet with a small sprinkling of low-fat mozz. cheese and salsa topping (only 2 tbsp as noted on my food list) and a glass of low sodium V8 (just didn't want to chop veggies today)

Snack:
Broccoli

Lunch:
Easy - left overs from last nights dinner, with 1/3 of an avocado and a hard boiled egg

Snack:
2 Laughing Cow cheese triangles (is two ok?)

Dinner: (see picture)
OK, this is where I shined tonight!  Early this am I marinated 6 medium sized  raw shrimp (shell and all) in a little lime zest, juice, chipotle chili, thyme, and cayenne pepper.  Tonight I grilled it with two baby zucchini from my garden and of course, you know it, it's getting to be a theme here.... some sauteed swiss chard (I have to eat it while it's plentiful in the garden.

Snack:
Left over sugar-free jello in the fridge

EAT YOUR HEART OUT RACHEL RAY

Only question... How am I gonna top tonights dinner tomorrow?

It's all about making choices...

I woke up today feeling pretty good about the choices I made yesterday.   I thought I'd have to get rid of every temptation in my cupboard, but come to find out... the cravings just weren't there.  I'm certain it's because my motivation was high, and well of course it was my first day.  I honestly didn't think I'd get through the day without some sort of "cheat" but I did, and for that I'm grateful!  I'm also so grateful about my choice to post what's going on in my head as well as my kitchen during this process.  I think knowing that people who care about me are going to follow me on this journey is enough to make me culpable for my choices...

Ok, I'll admit it... I had one bad time, it was at 10:00pm last night and I was too wide awake to go to bed, but at the same time my stomach was seriously rumbling and pulling me in the direction of the kitchen.  After my third glass of water, I caved.  What was my choice?  Of all things, a hard boiled egg!  Thank goodness I chose to make some towards the end of the week last week because it saved me last night.  I know I shouldn't have eaten anything, but at that point I honestly felt hungry, which is something I am trying to take notice of.  For so long I've eaten because I was anxious, upset or worse just plain bored but rarely because I was actually hungry.  So now I'm trying to really consider why I'm eating first and how it makes me feel afterwards second.  I'm not a saint, I have major issues with control and I think the one thing I've always had control over was my food.  If I was upset, I could conquer that with comfort foods of saltines and butter, chips or ice cream.  If I was anxious, eating something indulgent would calm me ~ pretty twisted huh?

So for now, I remember every day, it's all about choices... let's hope I make some good ones again today!

Breakfast:
2 egg omelet using chopped swiss chard from the garden and a little bit of feta cheese.

Snack:
1 TBSP Natural PB

Lunch:
Salad with some Canaloni beans, egg and feta cheese

Snack:
Dang, I forgot my snack :(  (well more like I was out doing errands)

Dinner:
Grilled Pesto Chicken Breast with A Saute blend of shallots, roasted garlic, portabella mushrooms, yellow squash and green zucchini.

Dessert/Snack:
Sugar Free Raspberry Jello made with some 0 calorie sparkling water (kind neat how it still fizzes in your mouth)

P.S.  I did something I said I wouldn't do and stepped on the scale this morning... I don't know if I can trust it because it's older than me, but it showed that I was down 3 lbs... could it be?

Tomorrow I'm thinking I'll make some Ancho Chili Lime BBQ Shrimp...

August 23rd... a new beginning

Today I'm 49 years old, 185 lbs and looking forward to watching that number go down as the blog entries increase.  I have a friend that is willing to support me during this journey, and for that I am indebted to her for the rest of my life.  She understands my unhealthy relationship with food because she's "been there, done that".  I know exactly how I got where I am today, but I struggle with letting go of this weight.  I'm hoping this journey will show me the way to let go of old emotions simultaneously with pounds.

After futile attempts in the past, I've decided to follow the South Beach weight loss plan.  I don't honestly look at it as a diet (except maybe these first two weeks).  The reason I think it will finally work for me?  Simple.  I finally saw myself in the mirror and understood it didn't match how I see myself in my head...

If you're not familiar with this plan.  It limits your first two weeks to primarily protein and vegetables.  The main exclusion is sugar, bad fats and carbs (that nasty unhealthy refined crap we've been told is A-OK for so long).  Here is a great link if your interested ....http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/index.html.  I've printed out the South Beach Diet Food List along with Phase 1 Food List and plan to carry it with me where ever I go.  Another good suggestion is to post a copy right on your refrigerator so you can double check the "OK" stuff before you prepare a meal for yourself.

I introduced much of this a week before I started and I think it honestly helped me with eliminating some cravings.  I'm not sure how positive I'll be come day 13, but I'm committed and hopeful.

Breakfast:
2 egg omelet with sauteed baby portabella mushrooms, broccoli and roasted garlic.  (And yes, I had a bit more time on my hands)

Snack:
Low fat Blueberry Yogurt (it's all I had for yogurt in the fridge... probably not the best since it had blueberries in it)

Lunch:
A yummy salad (that I'll try to post a picture of once I figure out how) that consisted of greens from my garden, a baby zucchini, a baby orange pepper, a small handful of feta cheese and walnuts and grilled chicken and  I used about 1 tbsp of good seasons Italian dressing (homemade) (which I hope is OK).

Afternoon Snack:
Is going to be some broccoli bites with hummus and a piece of the laughing cow cheese

Dinner:
Is going to be the rest of my chicken breast and lots and lots of sauteed swiss chard with roasted garlic (Can you say YUM?)

Evening Snack:
Sugar Free Jello

(Hey Maria - this blog has a spell check, how WONDERFUL!!!)