January 30th, 2012
Almost one year to the date from my last post. I'd love to say I've been so busy I just didn't have time to blog, but that's not the truth and I've said from the beginning this would be an honest journaling of my journey to let go of the past and find my way back to a healthier me!
What have I been doing for the past year? Well, apparently I've been busy gaining back the weight I lost. I do recall that as of May of 2011 when I graduated school, I was still very close to my goal weight. Then before I had a change to get used to wearing normal clothes, I traded my whites in for a uniform of "wife beater" tee's and an apron to get busy with the start up of my new home-based baking business. By the end of May, I was baking around the clock to initiate my first attempt at my own business. I've began to work from home to create freshly prepared bakery items as a registered home processor through the NYS department of Farm and Ag... (which has been a major learning process)
So what? I'm now 192.5 pounds (which is 8 lbs higher than when I started this venture and 22 lbs higher than this time last year!, so this is now very real and scary for me) I'm FAT! There, I've said it (out loud as I typed this as well). I know that I have to do something once and for all or I'm going to have some serious medical issues popping up soon. I have aches and pains EVERY DAY and as much as I sometimes secretly hope it's something wrong and fixable, I have to finally own it and understand that it's because I sit on my ass and sulk and eat and do pretty much nothing.... hmmmm I'm kinda hard on myself huh? Oh, yes, that's because along with the FAT and the ACHES and PAINS, I'm also MOODY as all hell!
Know what I say to all of that? ENOUGH!!!! Today I am 192.5 pounds, I'm OK with saying that, and I'm ready (I pray) to do something once and for all. I've planned to take it one day at a time, and make sure to pray for help and pray when I'm successful as well. I know I can't do it in a month, or a year, so the only goal I'm setting is to promise to continue to work on it and to "OWN UP" when I screw up.
Ready, Set, GO!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Borrowing "Time Flies" title from my Year of Wearing White Blog
Oddly enough, I finally started to Blog in my Year of Wearing White because I realized that thetime of my college career was going by so fast and May would be here and I'd be graduating and I'd hardly remember my experience while at PSC.
Afterwards, I realized that it might have been some time since I posted in My Lighter Side of Life and realized I'd set a goal for myself that is supposed to be reached by the same month of May.... eeks I'd better get a move on!
The good news is that even though more than 3 months have gone by, I've managed to maintain my weight despite any/all of the gorging on sweets over the holidays! I'm feeling good and had energy to spare in my first week back at school and am proud to say that I'm just a line (or two) over the 170 mark so I'm getting closer to my goal. I did think the other day that I will actually give something up for Lent for the first time in years. Typically, I try to do something more, but this year, in a sincere attempt to reach my goal weight by my 50th birthday, I'm gonna plunge and promise to stay on the South Beach track so I can hopefully feel good about a trip to the beach in the South! I'm thinking with my schedule at school, I will once again have little time to take advantage of the gym at school, but will make an effort once it's past snowshoeing season.
In this new year, I am first and foremost very thankful to my friend Maria who has finally found a way to "show me the light" I'm still of the mindset that I will have to be able to have the treats that I want, I've just learned that I will have to have them in moderation. The other thing I am so VERY grateful for is that my attitude towards food has completely changed once and for all. I can honestly say that I no longer run to the fridge or cupboard when I'm upset or anxious about something and that my fellow blog followers is more than half the battle of the buldge! It's liberating when you can look at food and appreciate it for what it is, something to sustain and entertain us, not to control us!
I can't promise that I will blog often, but I am hopeful that by the time May rolls around, I will be anxious (in a good way) to post a new picture of myself for everyone to see! And then? Well, then I will have to go shopping!!!!!
Afterwards, I realized that it might have been some time since I posted in My Lighter Side of Life and realized I'd set a goal for myself that is supposed to be reached by the same month of May.... eeks I'd better get a move on!
The good news is that even though more than 3 months have gone by, I've managed to maintain my weight despite any/all of the gorging on sweets over the holidays! I'm feeling good and had energy to spare in my first week back at school and am proud to say that I'm just a line (or two) over the 170 mark so I'm getting closer to my goal. I did think the other day that I will actually give something up for Lent for the first time in years. Typically, I try to do something more, but this year, in a sincere attempt to reach my goal weight by my 50th birthday, I'm gonna plunge and promise to stay on the South Beach track so I can hopefully feel good about a trip to the beach in the South! I'm thinking with my schedule at school, I will once again have little time to take advantage of the gym at school, but will make an effort once it's past snowshoeing season.
In this new year, I am first and foremost very thankful to my friend Maria who has finally found a way to "show me the light" I'm still of the mindset that I will have to be able to have the treats that I want, I've just learned that I will have to have them in moderation. The other thing I am so VERY grateful for is that my attitude towards food has completely changed once and for all. I can honestly say that I no longer run to the fridge or cupboard when I'm upset or anxious about something and that my fellow blog followers is more than half the battle of the buldge! It's liberating when you can look at food and appreciate it for what it is, something to sustain and entertain us, not to control us!
I can't promise that I will blog often, but I am hopeful that by the time May rolls around, I will be anxious (in a good way) to post a new picture of myself for everyone to see! And then? Well, then I will have to go shopping!!!!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Dodging Bullets...
- Seven weeks in from my start date
- Three weeks since my last post
- Holding at 174 and strong...
- Not making the best overall choices...
In honor of a holiday afforded to me by my mothers genealogy, I am taking time to pause and give Thanks for all of the blessings in my life. I'm also taking this day to reflect and plan and get back on track! My short term goal? 9 more pounds shed by Thanksgiving.
- I am thankful for my family who acknowledge the effort I've put in so far and have been understanding and supportive of my continued efforts, even if I've been slightly askew recently.
- I am VERY thankful for my friends that support me in this journey.... they congratulate my success and appreciate my honest approach in this journey....
- I am thankful to acknowledge that my recent food choices have not left me feeling well enough to continue making them
- I am thankful to have the day today to reflect, plan and get back on track
Until my next post.... thank you!
P.S. And I'm continuously thankful for spell check
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Peace ~ Love ~ and Agave...
So; Here I sit, wide awake and full of energy ~ husband exasperated because my "typical" 10 minute goodnight call was running into triple over time... just finishing my somewhat of a now routine "Un-intentional Vegetarian" Dinner, getting ready to sip into a simmering mug of Irish Breakfast Tea (with a non fat, 0 calorie creamer of course) and waiting for a homemade wild blueberry sorbet to freeze that I've come to realize that
A) Perhaps I should not have had that 2nd cup of late afternoon coffee
B) Perhaps I should not be adding to this with that simmering mug of Irish Breakfast Tea at this hour
&/or C) Perhaps I'm brilliant (ok it's possible but not probable, not very likely) and have realized that routine / healthier eating habits may be directly related to this new found energy
What? Did I just say a homemade wild blueberry sorbet...? That's right, for several weeks now I've allowed myself to channel my mentor (who shall remain nameless) (or let's just nickname her, theonewhoeat snowhite) (insert smiley face here) ... (pause for brief tea break here) ... and allow her thoughts to macerate (how's that for a foodie term?) in my mind and guide me into making outstanding food choices... and the result? 10 lbs and holding, although after reflecting on my choices to date, I feel that I'm already allowing myself to make positive food choices that work within my busy schedule. OK, it might not follow the RULE of the SB Diet, but then again, I've entered into this journey as more a learning process to understand how the core foods of the SB Diet play out against what I've learned over the past year about nutrition and how it's digested and absorbed (i.e. how we get our belly fat after age 40). I could probably have lost more in my first three weeks, but I've already dropped {I'd just like to "side-bar" here and point out the Freudian slip done while using spell check on this tonight... I showed dropped above as the word droped and when spell check gave suggestions I inadvertently selected droop by accident} and held at 10 lbs with emulsifying the SB Process with my own way of thinking....(OK no more Culinary Terms in this post tonight) (although did you read the first sentence and empathize with my present state of caffeine overdose, lack of qualifying sleep and never ending homework/research/study process?
But I (continue to) digress; the Homemade Wild Blueberry Sorbet is the result of the channeling of above unnamed mentor with my desire to create original culinary creations.... (and if you have not done this and follow the SB -Phase II and above) I've come up with an acceptable version of decadent gelato that we CAN feel good about eating! (Although, before you douse your brain cells with a proven brain stimulating anti-oxidant you might want to do this on an evening you haven't chosen to have much more caffeine than a middle aged woman can or should have).... Try this:
Defrost/warm blueberries in the microwave to allow juice to emerge from the berry
Add 1.2 cup (or what ever is the recommended amount of Plain Yogurt on DB) Low fat, plain Greek Yogurt (I'm with Maria, er um, theonewhoeat snowhite) on this!
and a little bit of Agave
Mix until really creamy, then pop in the freezer for about oh, what ever long it took me to write this post tonight (24 minutes -ish) and get ready to taste some HW BS Bliss!
(And for those of you who have, well I'm sorry for wasting 24 minutes -ish of your time allowing my brain cells to become debriefed from the caffeine nation.....but do it anyway cause you know that it's good)
Argh, I really need to learn to sensor/edit my thoughts before posting on nights like tonight......
In the words of my brother from a different mother;
Peace and Lerv!!!
A) Perhaps I should not have had that 2nd cup of late afternoon coffee
B) Perhaps I should not be adding to this with that simmering mug of Irish Breakfast Tea at this hour
&/or C) Perhaps I'm brilliant (ok it's possible but not probable, not very likely) and have realized that routine / healthier eating habits may be directly related to this new found energy
What? Did I just say a homemade wild blueberry sorbet...? That's right, for several weeks now I've allowed myself to channel my mentor (who shall remain nameless) (or let's just nickname her, theonewhoeat snowhite) (insert smiley face here) ... (pause for brief tea break here) ... and allow her thoughts to macerate (how's that for a foodie term?) in my mind and guide me into making outstanding food choices... and the result? 10 lbs and holding, although after reflecting on my choices to date, I feel that I'm already allowing myself to make positive food choices that work within my busy schedule. OK, it might not follow the RULE of the SB Diet, but then again, I've entered into this journey as more a learning process to understand how the core foods of the SB Diet play out against what I've learned over the past year about nutrition and how it's digested and absorbed (i.e. how we get our belly fat after age 40). I could probably have lost more in my first three weeks, but I've already dropped {I'd just like to "side-bar" here and point out the Freudian slip done while using spell check on this tonight... I showed dropped above as the word droped and when spell check gave suggestions I inadvertently selected droop by accident} and held at 10 lbs with emulsifying the SB Process with my own way of thinking....(OK no more Culinary Terms in this post tonight) (although did you read the first sentence and empathize with my present state of caffeine overdose, lack of qualifying sleep and never ending homework/research/study process?
But I (continue to) digress; the Homemade Wild Blueberry Sorbet is the result of the channeling of above unnamed mentor with my desire to create original culinary creations.... (and if you have not done this and follow the SB -Phase II and above) I've come up with an acceptable version of decadent gelato that we CAN feel good about eating! (Although, before you douse your brain cells with a proven brain stimulating anti-oxidant you might want to do this on an evening you haven't chosen to have much more caffeine than a middle aged woman can or should have).... Try this:
Defrost/warm blueberries in the microwave to allow juice to emerge from the berry
Add 1.2 cup (or what ever is the recommended amount of Plain Yogurt on DB) Low fat, plain Greek Yogurt (I'm with Maria, er um, theonewhoeat snowhite) on this!
and a little bit of Agave
Mix until really creamy, then pop in the freezer for about oh, what ever long it took me to write this post tonight (24 minutes -ish) and get ready to taste some HW BS Bliss!
(And for those of you who have, well I'm sorry for wasting 24 minutes -ish of your time allowing my brain cells to become debriefed from the caffeine nation.....but do it anyway cause you know that it's good)
Argh, I really need to learn to sensor/edit my thoughts before posting on nights like tonight......
In the words of my brother from a different mother;
Peace and Lerv!!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Convinced....
My hectic first week is winding down and although I had little spare time to post between classes or homework, that doesn't mean I didn't stick to the plan. My hours were crazy, and I'm convinced the 5 lbs I've lost is because of working in the labs-slash-saunas for 8 hours a day but, I still found a way to eat a healthy breakfast lunch and dinner albeit finding times for those mandatory in between snacks were difficult if not impossible at times. The worst thing I can think of doing all week was eating a slice of my Pavlova with some friends last night.
Going forward, I don't think I'll actually post my daily meals like I've been doing but I'll still reach out for that guidance and support that I know all of you are unselfishly offering me. I also know that there will be times that I have screw ups and doubts about reaching my goal, but I'm hopeful that when there is a rare opportunity to wear something other than my Chef Whites I'll see a difference. I've also implemented a new goal to have the spare string on my chef's apron match the inches I've lost around my waist (which is the most important area to loose in my case).
If I haven't said it (which looking back, I don't think I have and shame shame on me) often enough; Thank you to all of you reading this for your support and feedback. I will be forever grateful for you coming along for this journey with me (even if it is electronically).
P.S. The photo is my Pavlova mentioned above.... not to worry, it was only a small slice...
Going forward, I don't think I'll actually post my daily meals like I've been doing but I'll still reach out for that guidance and support that I know all of you are unselfishly offering me. I also know that there will be times that I have screw ups and doubts about reaching my goal, but I'm hopeful that when there is a rare opportunity to wear something other than my Chef Whites I'll see a difference. I've also implemented a new goal to have the spare string on my chef's apron match the inches I've lost around my waist (which is the most important area to loose in my case).
If I haven't said it (which looking back, I don't think I have and shame shame on me) often enough; Thank you to all of you reading this for your support and feedback. I will be forever grateful for you coming along for this journey with me (even if it is electronically).
P.S. The photo is my Pavlova mentioned above.... not to worry, it was only a small slice...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Making time for me...
Oh boy, one day into my fall semester "crazy" schedule (who in their right minds would do a Culinary Lab simultaneous with a Baking Lab?)... and surprizingly things are going well. Yesterday I had a small anxiety attack prior to going to my Culinary Lab in the afternoon. Which is pretty much typical of each and every student in the class. I don't know if I told you this (like whoever is actually reading this), but I had one week of this class last year when I started and knew after the first week that it just wasn't going to work having two labs..... the challenge is ON! My heart was racing and I was short of breath and was sure I would not remember my own name while all along my first professor from the original class was in my head. But, after three hours in a room that I temp'd at 93 degrees (not kidding here) I actually felt like I was doing ok.
Forgetta 'bout the SB diet, I'm bound to loose at least 15 lbs just from sweating my ass off for four hours a day four days a week! That said, here are the Good Eats I had today....
Breakfast:
The "usual" but I really backed off on the cheese today. Lots and lots of veggies (broccoli, zucchini and peppers)
Snack:
wasn't able to fit this in
Lunch:
Nice Salad with mixed greens, shrimp (last nights left overs) some avocado and broccoli.
Snack:
Sorry the only choice I had was oranges or carrots (we were in class and had only a couple of 5 min. breaks) so I snacked on a few carrott slices (honestly forgetting that they weren't allowed this week) while I was in class.
*I've packed some almonds in my bag for future "oh shits"
Dinner:
Really proud of myself. I was soaked to the bone (unfortunatly it was not because I was rained on YUK) came home, stipped to bare butt and got my red-faced face into the shower to cool off and clean up! Then, I promptly turned on the grill, grilled a nice lean boneless pork chop and sauteed some swiss chard with garlic.
Dessert/Snack:
I didn't eat until after 9pm, so I thought I'd better forgo the snack tonight.
Forgetta 'bout the SB diet, I'm bound to loose at least 15 lbs just from sweating my ass off for four hours a day four days a week! That said, here are the Good Eats I had today....
Breakfast:
The "usual" but I really backed off on the cheese today. Lots and lots of veggies (broccoli, zucchini and peppers)
Snack:
wasn't able to fit this in
Lunch:
Nice Salad with mixed greens, shrimp (last nights left overs) some avocado and broccoli.
Snack:
Sorry the only choice I had was oranges or carrots (we were in class and had only a couple of 5 min. breaks) so I snacked on a few carrott slices (honestly forgetting that they weren't allowed this week) while I was in class.
*I've packed some almonds in my bag for future "oh shits"
Dinner:
Really proud of myself. I was soaked to the bone (unfortunatly it was not because I was rained on YUK) came home, stipped to bare butt and got my red-faced face into the shower to cool off and clean up! Then, I promptly turned on the grill, grilled a nice lean boneless pork chop and sauteed some swiss chard with garlic.
Dessert/Snack:
I didn't eat until after 9pm, so I thought I'd better forgo the snack tonight.
Monday, August 30, 2010
And the struggle begins...
Hmm, three days with no post... does it mean I'm off the wagon? Nope, I've actually done very well for the last two days and now today with perhaps a slip up here or there, but the best part is as of Sunday (one week in) I've lost 4 lbs. After looking back on the week, I think it could have been better and I base that on the fact that although you can have cheese, perhaps I should not have it every day :o) !
The weekend is a blur, so I may miss some of the things that I ate, as I'm writing from short term memory...
Saturday:
Breakfast:
Let's just call it my Jill's special Frittata from now on, I think by now, we all know what it means
Snack:
Cucumber slices
Lunch:
Mixed green salad with cannelloni and black beans
Snack:
Small handful of raw almonds (on the go since we moved Jazen into her apartment)
Dinner: (At out)
Chicken Fajitas.... I did eat two small tortilla rounds with them, (and yes, they were small -but unfortunately flour and not corn ones) For the rest of the dish, I just ate the chicken, onions and peppers - and honestly, I enjoyed that so much, I could have skipped the tortillas with them.
Dessert:
Here was the screw up - so at this restaurant they bring out sopapillas after dinner with some honey... yes, I ate one, don't feel guilty about it and it's done and over with.
Sunday: ~ Now Sunday we always eat out at a diner after church with some friends... so far, I've been good about making choices there. Right after breakfast we were invited to spend the day on a friends boat so I had to figure out what I could do about lunch as they were all having sub sandwiches from Subway (Mark got Jreks ~ why I add that is beyond me)
Breakfast:
Two scrambled eggs with peppers, onions and a bit of shaved steak inside.
Snack:
forgot to eat the snack
Lunch:
Made a really nice green salad from the almost last of greens from the garden, with a 1/2 of tomato, baby zucchini, and some beans - did not miss having a sandwich at all.
Snack:
Not sure if this was a cheat or not since you can have sugar free jello .... for this snack I had a 1/2 cup of sugar free butterscotch pudding made with skim milk.
Dinner:
Left over top round, grilled zucchini (we finally found a full sized zucchini in our garden!) and a cucumber/tomato/mozz (less than 1 ounce) salad with pesto (God do I love Pesto now!)
Snack:
Too tired, went to bed early to make my 6am first day of classes back at school!
(updated on Tuesday) Oh boy ~ what the heck did I eat on Monday? (first day of classes)
Breakfast:
The "usual"
Snack:
can't remember
Lunch:
Nice green salad with some beans and a little avocado
Snack:
Cant remember
Dinner:
Chili Lime Shrimp with grilled zucchini and roasted baby red/orange/yellow peppers.
The weekend is a blur, so I may miss some of the things that I ate, as I'm writing from short term memory...
Saturday:
Breakfast:
Let's just call it my Jill's special Frittata from now on, I think by now, we all know what it means
Snack:
Cucumber slices
Lunch:
Mixed green salad with cannelloni and black beans
Snack:
Small handful of raw almonds (on the go since we moved Jazen into her apartment)
Dinner: (At out)
Chicken Fajitas.... I did eat two small tortilla rounds with them, (and yes, they were small -but unfortunately flour and not corn ones) For the rest of the dish, I just ate the chicken, onions and peppers - and honestly, I enjoyed that so much, I could have skipped the tortillas with them.
Dessert:
Here was the screw up - so at this restaurant they bring out sopapillas after dinner with some honey... yes, I ate one, don't feel guilty about it and it's done and over with.
Sunday: ~ Now Sunday we always eat out at a diner after church with some friends... so far, I've been good about making choices there. Right after breakfast we were invited to spend the day on a friends boat so I had to figure out what I could do about lunch as they were all having sub sandwiches from Subway (Mark got Jreks ~ why I add that is beyond me)
Breakfast:
Two scrambled eggs with peppers, onions and a bit of shaved steak inside.
Snack:
forgot to eat the snack
Lunch:
Made a really nice green salad from the almost last of greens from the garden, with a 1/2 of tomato, baby zucchini, and some beans - did not miss having a sandwich at all.
Snack:
Not sure if this was a cheat or not since you can have sugar free jello .... for this snack I had a 1/2 cup of sugar free butterscotch pudding made with skim milk.
Dinner:
Left over top round, grilled zucchini (we finally found a full sized zucchini in our garden!) and a cucumber/tomato/mozz (less than 1 ounce) salad with pesto (God do I love Pesto now!)
Snack:
Too tired, went to bed early to make my 6am first day of classes back at school!
(updated on Tuesday) Oh boy ~ what the heck did I eat on Monday? (first day of classes)
Breakfast:
The "usual"
Snack:
can't remember
Lunch:
Nice green salad with some beans and a little avocado
Snack:
Cant remember
Dinner:
Chili Lime Shrimp with grilled zucchini and roasted baby red/orange/yellow peppers.
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